Professionalism Is Mostly Just Hoping Your Skirt Is Where You Left It
There are certain things you worry about when travelling for work.
Have I packed everything?
Is my laptop charged?
Am I going to make the flight?
Do I look vaguely professional?
What I had never really considered was:
Is my dress still where I left it?
Turns out, this should have been higher on the list.
I Was Feeling Quite Corporate
I was flying into Sydney for work.
I'd worn a short black dress, heels and my new work backpack.
Cute.
Professional.
Practical.
I had my laptop on my back, everything I needed for the day, and I was striding through Sydney Airport feeling like a woman who had her shit together.
This feeling would not last.
I stepped onto the escalator.
And somewhere during the descent, my lovely new work backpack quietly hooked itself onto the back of my dress.
Then, very gradually and without consultation...
took my dress north.
I did not notice.
My Bum Was Apparently Networking Before I Was
So there I am.
Descending an escalator at Sydney Airport.
Very professional.
Very composed.
While my bum is doing a meet and greet with everybody behind me.
Thankfully, eventually, a kind stranger told me.
And there are few moments in life quite like the realisation that you have absolutely no idea how long that's been happening.
Five seconds?
Thirty seconds?
Did we start this journey when I exited the plane?
Who knows.
All I can say is that I was incredibly grateful for two decisions I'd made that morning:
Nice underwear.
And a fake tan.
Neither had been intended as corporate risk-management strategies.
But here we are.
Naturally, I Told My Girlfriend
Because when something humiliating happens to you, there is only one sensible thing to do.
Tell your friend immediately so she can support you.
By which I mean:
absolutely destroy you.
She thought it was hilarious.
Fair.
I had just shown a significant portion of Sydney Airport my backside because I hadn't adequately assessed the interaction between a backpack and a cute dress.
There was material there.
She used it.
And from that day forward, I learned an important lesson:
Never backpack with a short dress.
Problem solved.
Or so I thought.
The Universe Keeps Receipts
Some time later, that same girlfriend was working at the office.
Looking polished.
Professional.
Sitting right beside our CEO.
And she had absolutely no idea that her skirt was tucked into her Spanx.
The whole time.
Not slightly caught.
Not maybe there's a little bit of fabric sitting strangely.
Tucked. Into. The Spanx.
And apparently nobody told her.
Nobody.
Which, frankly, raises questions about workplace culture that I don't think any employee engagement survey is adequately equipped to answer.
Eventually she discovered what had happened.
And obviously I was horrified for her.
Devastated.
Deeply sympathetic. In a lol, suck it kind of way.
...
I laughed.
Because the universe keeps receipts.
Perhaps We've Been Measuring Professionalism Wrong
We spend an extraordinary amount of time worrying about looking professional.
Is the dress appropriate?
Are the shoes too much?
Did I prepare enough?
Does my email sound intelligent?
Should I say Kind regards or just Regards because apparently those two words now carry completely different emotional energy?
Meanwhile, the real corporate risk is your outfit quietly betraying you from behind.
Maybe professionalism isn't having everything perfectly together.
Maybe sometimes it's simply walking confidently through an airport while unknowingly showing everyone your bum.
Or sitting beside the CEO while your skirt has formed an unexpected alliance with your shapewear.
We're all just doing our best.
So check your presentation.
Charge your laptop.
Prepare for the meeting.
And, for the love of God...
check your skirt.
Also, wear nice underwear.
Apparently that's succession planning.
