Bullying Doesn’t Always Look Like Bullying
What is bullying?
Sometimes it’s obvious. It’s loud, aggressive and impossible to miss.
Other times, it’s the exclusion from events. The cancelled invitations. The fake smiles. The conversations that suddenly stop when you walk into the room.
It’s the subtle hints that you’re not welcome.
Not because you aren’t good enough, but because someone doesn’t want you to succeed.
Sometimes, bullying is designed to be invisible
They belittle you.
They make your path harder than it needs to be.
They get into the ears of others and quietly spread the same message:
You’re difficult.
You’re the problem.
You don’t belong here.
There’s rarely one enormous incident you can point to.
Instead, there are dozens of tiny ones.
A meeting you weren’t invited to.
Information you weren’t given.
A decision made without you.
A joke that wasn’t really a joke.
An achievement that was conveniently overlooked.
Each one seems small enough to explain away.
Together, they create a very clear message:
You are not wanted here.
Now, put that into a workplace
You’re seriously good at your job.
You add significant value. You care about the work and the people around you. You have colleagues you respect and perhaps even a few you would call genuine friends.
So, do you leave?
Or do you stay and start questioning yourself?
Am I imagining it?
Am I being too sensitive?
Did I do something wrong?
Maybe it really is me?
And hang on a second…
If someone is deliberately undermining you, isolating you and making you question your own reality, isn’t that the whole point?
Perhaps it isn’t all in your head!!!!!!!
Perhaps someone is threatened by you and is making sly, calculated moves to make your life sh!t.
They don’t confront you directly because that would be too easy to identify.
Instead, they chip away at your confidence, your relationships and your sense of belonging.
They make you question your value.
They make you wonder whether you deserve to be in the room.
And the longer it continues, the more energy you spend trying to understand it.
You replay conversations.
You analyse facial expressions.
You wonder what has been said when you weren’t there.
You work harder, speak more carefully and make yourself smaller…. hoping that if you’re good enough, helpful enough or quiet enough, it will stop.
But it doesn’t.
Because your performance was never the problem.
Then you tell someone…….and they ignore it
They minimise it.
They tell you it’s probably a misunderstanding, a personality clash or something you should try to work through.
Perhaps you’re told to build the relationship.
To be the bigger person.
To be less emotional.
To consider how your behaviour might be contributing to the situation.
Meanwhile, you’re carrying the emotional weight of someone else’s shitty behaviour and still trying to turn up every day like everything is fine.
Now, instead of dealing with one bully, you’re dealing with a system that has decided your discomfort is easier to manage than their behaviour.
Get the f*** out of there
Not because they won.
Not because you weren’t strong enough.
And certainly not because you weren’t good enough.
Leave because you deserve better than spending your days trying to prove your worth to people committed to misunderstanding it.
You deserve to feel safe.
You deserve to feel valued.
You deserve to work somewhere your contribution is recognised, your voice is respected and your success isn’t treated like a threat.
Take your energy somewhere it can grow
Give it to the people who care about you.
Give it to work that means something.
Give it to an organisation that sees your value and wants you to be part of the bigger picture.
Walking away doesn’t mean they were right about you.
It doesn’t mean you failed.
Sometimes, walking away simply means you finally stopped believing them and started believing in you
Jas xx
